I don’t know whose idea it was to do a 2024 redux of the old “lesbian stalker” angle, but it is not going great!

The worst part of this whole Lyra Valkyria/Tatum Paxley thing is that Paxley is actually kind of nailing the stalker character — physically, at least. The way she moves is legitimately creepy, and even during this promo, she’s conveying a ton of stuff with her body language. But you’re gonna put there out there on the mic, in the ring, in front of a crowd? And make her call Valkyria things like “my sweet, sweet dove, in grave danger of losing her title”? Mick Foley, on his best day, could maybe make that work, possibly. Tatum Paxley, not so much.

Even Valkyria, usually a decent talker, didn’t come off great in this promo. It didn’t help that the way it was written suggests that Valkyria simultaneously (a) got herself and her weird stalker friend a tag title shot, somehow, for literally no reason, they’ve only ever tagged together once before on TV, because nepotism, and (b) has decided to reward Tatum’s devotion by booking the two of them in a match with a pair of former “NXT” Women’s Champions, Kairi Sane and Asuka — the latter of whom still has the longest “NXT” women’s title reign of all time at 510 days, is the second-ever women’s Grand Slam Champion, and went undefeated for her entire “NXT” career. Uh, thank you?

Anyway, the point is that when Ridge Holland interrupted Valkyria and Paxley before they were done, it was an outrage … but I was still glad the promo was over.

Written by Miles Schneiderman