WWE has said they will crown a new World Heavyweight Champion on Saturday, as CM Punk and Jey Uso are set to vie for the vacant title, but the Wrestling Inc. staff isn’t that stupid. There’s a lot of Bron Breakker and Bronson Reed haunting the edges of this storyline, making sure that nothing ever happens.

A whopping 81% of the Wrestling Inc. Staff have come out on the side of some kind of No Contest or Disqualification, forcing the company to kick the replacement for Seth Rollins down the road a ways. How far down the road? Who knows, but the majority have been told something will happen on Saturday, and called WWE’s bluff. After all, it is an age-old doctrine that “Nothing Ever Happens,” both in the world of geopolitics and in WWE during non-WrestleMania/SummerSlam seasons. You might think that an injured world champion would mean that something would happen, but the Wrestling Inc. staff has determined that no, actually, because that would require something to happen, and nothing ever happens.

Maybe CM Punk and Jey Uso will have a great match, maybe they won’t, but the staff has already moved on from it before it began, because it could not be clearer that nothing ever happens in WWE. Punk is currently in the middle of a chase that started at SummerSlam and 81% of the staff don’t see WWE ending that chase any time soon; they also don’t think it would make sense for Jey Uso to win the title in the midst of all of this CM Punk/Seth Rollins/The Vision nonsense, and thus, most of us looked at the “No Contest/DQ” option and said …well, I think you know the rest.

Written by Ross Berman