I’m not going to pretend that I am the world’s biggest “Moana” fan, or that I’ve been paying extra-close attention to the production woes of the live-action remake of the 2016 gem, but that is why it is all the more glaring that even I was aware of how much trouble Disney and the filmmakers had turning Dwayne Johnson into Maui. The film was delayed a whole year, as the initial plan of using an AI-deepfake of Johnson’s face on a body double was scrapped. While I do applaud the ethics of not going with some kind of hideous AI monstrosity, I do have to chuckle about all the time, work, and money that went into deciding “What if Maui just looked like The Rock in a wig?”

It really is the funniest decision they could’ve made.

There is something incredibly, hilariously off-putting about The Rock’s gaunt, skinny face and the weird rubber muscle suit he’s wearing. It would be adorable if it didn’t likely cost the GDP of a small country.

Again, I do not exactly hold the original film sacred, but it’s an adorable film, full of sweet, earworm songs, and -most importantly- a lot of color. I think I could look past The Rock’s ridiculous wig if there was literally anything else to look at in the trailer, but the bright, sunlight hues of the original film have been coated in a dull grey filter, such is the case with many live-action remakes. If you didn’t know, “live-action” has to mean “shot through grey mop water” because Hollywood executives all have clinical depression or something, and don’t believe that colors exist in real life, despite the existence of flowers.

Anyway, I am very underwhelmed by it all. A long delay, a lot of money spent, and the whole thing looks like a Super Bowl ad for Old Spice. I’m not saying I want to see whatever digital ghost they’d be able to make by AI-ing Johnson’s face onto a giant man, but there has to be a happy medium somewhere.