Do I think that CM Punk returning to WWE can be a good thing? Yes, I do. So I don’t hate the idea entirely. Will it be chaotic? Maybe. But I have faith that the WWE environment can put the kibosh on backstage drama quickly enough to where it wouldn’t ever become an issue (unlike the zoo from which he’d be arriving, from what it seems).

But here’s what I know I hate: There have been several references to Punk in recent weeks on WWE programming, including Shinsuke Nakamura hitting a Go To Sleep on Ricochet Monday night, and if one thing is true about us wrestling dorks, we pay attention to the little details — all these references have been widely noticed. That means there’s no way that all of this hasn’t heightened expectations. And if another thing is true about us wrestling nerds, it’s that we work ourselves into shoots routinely, ruining events for ourselves over things that didn’t happen, that were never planned to happen, and that we completely made up in our stupid heads.

So, now, if Punk doesn’t return, and more specifically, if he doesn’t return at Survivor Series, in Chicago of all places, the entirety of wrestling dweebdom, myself included, will absolutely implode. And I don’t want to endure more of that cancerous negativity. We’re having a good time lately, aren’t we? The business is healthy, there’s something out there for everyone, and we deserve to be happy, damn it!

The only other feasible reason for these references — from puppetry, to the devil’s greatest trick, to the best in the world, to Namakura’s GTS, to someone sipping on a Pepsi on-screen at some point, probably — would be folks within WWE just having a little fun. It’s not a coincidence. And if they’re just messing with all of us wrestling kooks here, well that’s just not cool at all.

I’m telling you, now, if it doesn’t happen, we’re going to hear more b****ing and moaning about something we were never technically promised. So, please, for the love of whatever, go ahead and bring Phil back at Survivor Series. At this point, do it just so we don’t have to hear the mark masses and their backlash. I’m not sure I can handle it not happening at this point.